don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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