After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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