I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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