Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
