I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
