I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
