Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Shame - the story of my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
