dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
