Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
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