Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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