i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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