dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
