Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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