Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
