listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
