I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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