I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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