Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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