This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
