I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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