did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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