thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
