is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
