Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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