she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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