Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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