She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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