Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
