HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A bitchslap is in order.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
