How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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