Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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