she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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