Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
