I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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