I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have started to decorate penises.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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