i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize