I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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