Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
