I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
