I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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