Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
