Pregnant stripper...not hot.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
