so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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