Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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