I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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