i already hear my dad disowning me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
