We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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