pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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