No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
