in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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