drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.