so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.