Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.

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(216): View more from Ohio

ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.

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(512): View more from Texas

I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(860): View more from Connecticut

i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.

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(256): View more from Alabama

FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

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(614): View more from Ohio

My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.

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