I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.