only if we run a train.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.