Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
