God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
