i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize