we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.