Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy