I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
pop tarts are not kleenex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
