Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
