I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Randomize
