im having a threesome with these popsicles
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
