Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
