then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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