Im at strip club and am horny
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
