Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
