Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
