I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i believe in u and ur pee
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
