I queefed so loud it echoed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
