K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
