I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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