does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
