I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
