He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
