There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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