thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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