Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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